He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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