It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
