im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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