Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's always time for handjobs
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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