Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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