Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
