We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
