the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
