Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have aggressive nipples.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
