Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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