he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
