just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
