I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
