Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize