yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
