i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
