Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
