went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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