it hurts more in the daytime
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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