You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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