"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
