I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
