This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
