gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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