I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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