Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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