She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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