I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
