Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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