I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
