Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
