see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
