so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
