You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
