i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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