ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
