i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
