Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
