Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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