hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
