May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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