guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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