Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
