Small penises have feelings too.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
