i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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