worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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