Can Purell be used as lube?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
