In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
