I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
