I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I smell stomach acid.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
