hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
