I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
