im holly from the hills drunk
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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