8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
