So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hippo gnu deer
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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