Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
