Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
