And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
