My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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