just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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