I wish I could teleport
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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