Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Houston, we have a squirter
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
