You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
