my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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