Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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