apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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