i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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