At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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