Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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